The Chronicles of Misrule

📜 Enter Mr. Kennedy, The Pimp of Pseudoscience

Also Known As: The Vial Whisperer, The Flea-Circus Barker of Anti-Vax Vaudeville


The Purge—But Only of Ethics

In June, Kennedy executed a full remake of the CDC’s vaccine advisory body by dismissing all 17 expert members—a move packaged as “cleansing” conflicts of interest, though these conflicts were long disclosed and routine. What this cunningly theatrical gesture actually did was sanitize science out of public health, replacing it with a slate of voices from herbalist blogs, TikTok wellness gurus, and TikTok chiropractors—courtesy of RFK’s own coterie of misinformation shills.


A Pseudoscience Carnival

RFK’s tenure has morphed HHS into a sideshow of alternative wellness theatrics. Instead of trusted epidemiologists, we now have vitamin sellers and crystal healers setting the standard. Kennedy’s wellness report, MAHA (“Make America Healthy Again”), cites non-existent studies generated by generative AI—resulting in a health plan riddled with fabrications.

He has also sabotaged the COVID‑19 vaccine rollout for kids and pregnant women, removing their CDC recommendations, often advocating alternatives like cod-liver oil over proven immunity.


Public Discontent & Political Circus

Kennedy’s popularity is plummeting—recent Pew data shows more Americans disapprove than approve of his leadership at HHS. Meanwhile, Senator Bill Cassidy (himself a doctor who backed Kennedy’s appointment) discovered this too-late—joking that Kennedy refuses to return his Senate bulk-pass wallet, figuratively pantsing Cassidy in front of colleagues.

Cassidy, having emphasized Kennedy’s promise “not to change the vaccine schedule,” is now left red-faced after RFK immediately went about forming a new panel and questioning autism links—a slap across the Senate floor without the courtesy of a complimentary bill .


And perhaps, dear reader, we are blessed—blessed that measles, mumps, whooping cough and polio are returning to reclaim their place in the nursery, for were it not for the shrieking specter of preventable childhood disease, the public might begin to notice that their children have no food stamps, no health coverage, and no safe water to mix formula with. 

One must admire the strategic brilliance: hunger is less noticeable when accompanied by coughing fits, and poverty is harder to protest with a fever of 104. In this way, the Pimp of Pseudoscience does not merely mislead—he distracts, providing cover for the congressional procession of cruelty now parading its Big, Beautiful Bill through the legislature: a grand omnibus of indifference, signed in the ink of lobbyists and bound in the skin of common decency. All hail the return of scurvy and scarlet fever—for they are the new watchdogs of a dying republic.




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