The Panican Ledger

 Chronicles of Misrule

🧼 The Taste of Disdain

Trump’s Bedminster Club Earns 18 Violations, a 32/100, and the Gastrointestinal Confidence of RFK Jr.

It appears that Donald Trump’s Summer White House—the illustrious Trump National Golf Club Bedminster—has taken the concept of deregulation so far, it now applies directly to salmonella control.

According to the Somerset County Department of Health, inspectors recently descended upon the Bedminster kitchens and fled shortly after, leaving behind a trail of 18 food violations, a score of 32 out of 100, and presumably a burning need to boil their own shoes.  Full report here.

Among the unappetizing highlights:

• Raw meats stored at botulism-friendly temperatures

• Toxic cleaning chemicals doing the tango with edible ingredients

• Employees skipping handwashing like it’s a woke conspiracy

• And a panicked kitchen that apparently did not know where its own food was sourced from

In the immortal words of the county inspector:

“An unacceptable health risk.”

🍤 Pathogen à la Carte

Guests dining at Bedminster are advised to pair their entrees with hydroxychloroquine and a waiver of liability. The Presidential Platter comes with a side of Improperly Refrigerated Shrimp, and can be upgraded to the MAGA Meal with cross-contaminated coleslaw and staff-sneezed vinaigrette.

🏊‍♂️ RFK Jr. Would Swim in It

When asked about the inspection, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly shrugged and replied:

“It’s probably fine. I swam in Rock Creek earlier this year and only three toes fell off.”

He later elaborated at a press conference that exposure to bacteria builds “immunological authenticity.”

“If your mayonnaise isn’t glowing slightly, how do you know it’s working?”