Chronicles of Misrule May 25-31, 2008
The Week That Was (or Wasn't): Taco Truck Edition
🌮 T.A.C.O.: Trump Always Chickens Out
What began as a moment of intra-administration bungling swiftly fermented into a national farce, as word leaked that President Trump had been kept in the dark about a key decision by his own trade team. The precise nature of the policy mattered less than the symbolic revelation it offered: the self-styled dealmaker had once again been outmaneuvered by his own bureaucracy.
The resulting eruption was as predictable as a Matryoshka doll filled with rage. He was blindsided, they said. Furious. Betrayed. And then, as ever, retreating.
Thus was born the acronym that swept the land faster than a Q-drop on a church WiFi signal: T.A.C.O. – Trump Always Chickens Out. A phrase at once damning and delicious, folded neatly in satire and served sizzling across cable news tickers and meme accounts alike.
- A bold declaration made in public
- Internal panic as the implications dawn
- A flurry of contradictory statements
- The sudden vanishing of the policy into the fog of disownment
As with tariffs, troop withdrawals, infrastructure weeks, and the dozens of executive actions announced with fanfare and abandoned with whimpers, Trump’s instinct is not to govern, but to gesture—like a rooster who flees the fight the moment the corn runs out.
T.A.C.O. is not a scandal. It’s a symptom. A diagnosis of executive cowardice, wrapped in faux bravado and dipped in queso denial.
🤖 MAHA-GEDDON: When AI Writes the Medicine Show
The long-promised “Make America Healthy Again” (MAHA) Report, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s magnum snort, was released this week to much fanfare—only to collapse under scrutiny like a papier-mâché bust exposed to rain.
Kennedy himself remained unfazed, waving off concerns as “semantic nitpicking” and claiming the “spirit of the report remains mucus-based.”
But the saga turned darker when, in tandem with the report’s release, the administration announced an immediate halt to all federal HIV vaccine research. No reason was offered, but critics pointed to Kennedy’s long-standing (and long-debunked) claim that “poppers cause AIDS.”
“This is medieval,” one researcher lamented. “We are being governed by a sneeze in human form.
⚖️ The Courts to Trump: “Sir, This Is a Judiciary”
At the center of the latest temper tantrum: the president’s two favorite pastimes—tariffs and vengeance.
📜 Tariff Lawlessness Loses Steam
Multiple lower courts struck down or froze the administration’s sweeping tariff measures on foreign wine, solar panels, industrial chemicals, and (somehow) sporks, citing everything from lack of statutory authority to unmoored economic fantasy. One ruling remarked, with judicial acid, that “unilateral trade declarations made during television interviews do not constitute enforceable policy.”
Another court blocked the administration from revoking favorable trade terms to allies purely out of spite. A federal judge in D.C. noted the White House’s legal brief cited three press releases and one podcast as justification for its authority.
❝ It is the finding of this court that ‘owning the libs’ does not meet the standard for executive discretion. ❞
– Judge Ellen P. Markwell, U.S. District Court
🧨 Retaliation by Pardon, Intimidation by Megabill
The administration’s response was swift, sloppy, and predictably despotic. Trump lashed out on Truth Social, calling the courts “deep state speed bumps”, and hinting at a judicial “restructuring” in his second term. More concretely, the latest Republican tax monstrosity—the “Big, Beautiful Budget Bill”—was revealed to contain a curious rider: a provision to weaken judicial oversight of executive actions.
Legal scholars are alarmed. The American Bar Association issued a rare warning, calling the provision “a constitutional ankle-biter that grows fangs.”
🧑⚖️ Karoline Leavitt’s Courtroom Faceplant
Compounding the disaster, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt appeared on multiple networks to explain why losing lawsuits is actually a sign of strategic brilliance. “The president doesn’t lose cases,” she declared, “he just repositions the narrative.” She then blamed “activist judges”, “Biden holdovers”, and “judicial pronouns.”
Later that day, the president lost another case.
👨⚖️ Judges Respond—with Their Pens and Patience Eviscerated
In an unprecedented moment, a group of federal judges in the Ninth Circuit issued a joint letter cautioning against political interference in judicial rulings, noting “the Constitution does not require vibes-based litigation.”
Another court filing included a subtle flourish: a footnote quoting Hamilton, followed by a parenthetical:
(We’re pretty sure he meant the Federalist Papers, not the musical.)The Trump administration’s weeklong flirtation with absolute power has once again found itself tripped and bloodied on the marble steps of the judiciary. The exasperated third branch—long derided by Trumpworld as an “obstacle course for winners”—issued a cascade of legal setbacks that now resemble a slow-motion constitutional spanking.
Multiple lower courts struck down or froze the administration’s sweeping tariff measures, citing everything from lack of statutory authority to unmoored economic fantasy. One decision remarked, with judicial acid, that “unilateral trade declarations made during television interviews do not constitute enforceable policy.”
Trump lashed out on Truth Social, calling the courts “deep state speed bumps.” The Big Beautiful Budget Bill includes a provision to weaken judicial review. One federal judge responded in a footnote quoting Hamilton (Federalist, not Broadway): “No.”
🐀 DOGE: The Department of Government Efficiency's Descent into Dystopia
The office of DOGE—the bureaucratic hatchet squad tasked with mass firings, union busting, and ‘restoring discipline’—was found this week to be riddled with water damage, exposed wiring, and literal rats. Its latest feat? Leaving the U.S. Institute of Peace in a condition best described as post-apocalyptic: waterlogged, rodent-infested, and abandoned to mold and roaches.
According to a TechCrunch exposé, the once-stately offices now resemble a haunted janitor’s closet: mold creeping up the walls, overflowing garbage, and broken ceiling tiles dangling like Damoclean threats over the heads of demoralized civil servants.
“It’s metaphorical,” said one inspector. “Except it isn’t. It’s actually that bad.”
A federal court blocked the administration’s planned mass firings due to overreach. Meanwhile, DOGE-imposed cuts have kneecapped FEMA, national parks, and environmental monitoring. The department boasts of cost savings, but watchdogs warn that the price of chaos is being billed to the future.
All that remains: contempt rulings, gutted agencies, and the skittering sound of government by pestilence.
To be continued...
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