The Panican Ledger

Dignity Wraith

Peter Navarro — The Revenant Architect of Ruin

Wraith Class: Charlatan Revenant
Portfolio: Trade, Treason, and Terminal Delusion

He was not hired — he was summoned. Peter Navarro emerged from the burning scrolls of Amazon’s political bargain bin and was raised into the Trump administration like a policy poltergeist, his invocation intoned by a Google search and a whim. There, he became driver of the first great tariff catastrophe. Alongside his imaginary alter ego Ron Vara, Navarro cast protective duties like hexes and draped the economy in nationalist talismans. 

He told the president what he wanted to hear — that trade was war, and America could win with a wall of taxes. The result? A record-breaking collapse in American agricultural exports, and the highest rate of family farm closures in a generation. But Navarro remained unfazed — for ghosts, after all, do not eat.

And yet, like any determined wraith, Navarro refused to dissipate. After Trump’s defeat, he reappeared in a new costume: coup planner. With the “Green Bay Sweep,” Navarro presented a fantastical, football-themed blueprint for invalidating democracy — equal parts treason and tailgate. He promoted it proudly. Bragged about it on television. Sold books with chapter titles like “The Plan.” And when Congress came calling, he sneered. He refused the subpoena, waved off accountability, and was jailed for contempt — not for the first time in spirit, but at last, in flesh.

Having outlasted shame, subpoenas, and two indictments worth of common sense, Navarro now serves as Senior Trade Adviser to the National Economic Council — a role that appears to exist solely so that someone in the White House can explain why eggs cost nine dollars and Canada is now considered a hostile manufacturing threat. From this post, Navarro has sketched out the most aggressive tariff scheme in American history: a universal tariff wall against all foreign goods, with special punitive measures aimed at China, Mexico, Canada, the EU, and, reportedly, the cursed archipelago of Samoa.

He has described this plan as “economic liberation”, though for whom remains unclear. What is clear is that the cost will fall entirely on American consumers, whose wallets are now considered collateral damage in Navarro’s long war against imports, logic, and the principles of global trade. Critics have pointed out that the plan will likely trigger inflation, trade retaliation, and supply chain collapse. Navarro responded by smiling and pointing to a chart drawn in crayon, labeled “Made in USA = Freedom.”