The Panican Ledger

CHRONICLES OF MISRULE

13 May 2025

The Republic as Ruin Porn

The Hypocrisy Index Hits Record Highs -

Immigrant Labor for Me, Not for Thee

As Mar-a-Lago quietly files paperwork to import dozens of foreign waitstaff, cooks, and housekeepers, one might be forgiven for assuming the unemployment rate in Florida resembles a Swiss watch. In reality, the state has over 400,000 unemployed residents, and its jobless rate has ticked upward for the second consecutive month. But let us not allow available Americans to ruin a perfectly good grift.

The same man who staged a presidency around "they're taking your jobs!" is now taking out Help Wanted ads in Guatemala.

Mental Health Awareness Month (But Only for the Weak)

Meanwhile, in the pantomime that passes for governance, it is Mental Health Awareness Month, which in Trump II translates roughly to: "stop talking about the President’s obvious psychological unspooling." A Trump aide nearly combusted on live TV when MSNBC dared broach the topic of mental fitness.

In related developments, Senator John Fetterman appears to have entered his Joaquin Phoenix phase—skipping Senate duties, clashing with staff, and moonlighting as the Centrist Shapeshifter, now available in "Lurchwear."

The Constitution: Miller’s Latest Plaything

Stephen Miller, still operating as the mouthpiece of a legally dubious id, now whispers of suspending habeas corpus, because what’s a dictatorship without some light kidnapping?

Lincoln did it in wartime; Trump wants to do it because someone was mean to him on Truth Social.

Now You DOGE It, Now You Don’t

Federal contracts thought dead rise again, resurrected in the night like necromantic earmarks. Promises to “cut the deep state” and “slash spending” are immediately undercut by the dull thud of Trump loyalists reanimating their favorite boondoggles.

As ever, government under Trump is less a doctrine than a mood board: today it’s fiscal discipline, tomorrow it’s free pallets of Hydroxychloroquine for your cousin’s supplement startup.

Grift as Governance, or: The McKinley Renaissance

Trump has long spoken of the McKinley administration with the wistful tone of a man describing a lost love—or an era when monopolists were respected and disease was misunderstood.

“I think we essentially have become a kleptocracy that would make Putin blush. I mean, keep in mind that in the first three months, the Trump family has become $3 billion wealthier, so that’s a billion dollars a month.”
---Business school professor Scott Galloway

Vibes Over Viruses: The Surgeon General Nominee

Enter RFK Jr., stage left, drooling conspiracy and disbelief in germ theory. With his help, the country has now seen over 1,000 measles cases for the second time in 30 years, a level of regression usually reserved for Renaissance Faires and open-carry conventions.

Speaking of belief systems unmoored from science, meet Casey Means - RFK Jr. devotee - Trump’s pick for Surgeon General.

In a moment that could only occur in the collapsing circus tent of Trump II, the President was asked about his nominee for Surgeon General—Casey Means, a wellness influencer best known for promoting metabolic rewilding and fruit-based chakra alignment. Trump, blinking as though he'd just been asked to name the capital of Belgium, responded, “I don’t know her.” This despite having nominated her two days prior. Whether this is an admission of ignorance, a defense mechanism, or just a byproduct of a brain marinated in fast food and flattery is unclear—but the result is unmistakable: the nation's top health post is now a reality show blind pick, plucked from a TikTok algorithm and flung into federal service like a dodgeball.

Even Laura Loomer, not exactly a bastion of reason, has looked at Means’ nomination and said: “Absolutely not.”

When Loomer is your voice of medical sobriety, you’re not just through the looking glass. You’re bathing in it.