The Tariffman's Toll
Chapter X:
In Which the Ledger Bleeds and No One Takes the Blame
Being a Concluding Misfortune, in Which the Costs Are Counted but the Culprits Vanish
At long last, we come to the end of the affair.The ledgers are opened, the ink smeared red, the numbers no longer hiding their shame.
The tariffs were tallied.
The deficits deepened.
The wages stagnated.
And the factories, though ribbon-cut with great flourish, remained as hollow as the rhetoric that birthed them.
Yet lo - no villain can be found.
Act I: The Buck Stops Everywhere
The Tariffman blames China.
The pundits blame globalization.
Congress blames the executive.
The executive blames the Fed.
The Fed, already exhausted, quietly blames the supply chain, the consumer, and atmospheric pressure.
Thus does blame become vapor - visible at a distance, but impossible to grasp.
Act II: The Patriotism Laundromat
The deficits deepened.
The wages stagnated.
And the factories, though ribbon-cut with great flourish, remained as hollow as the rhetoric that birthed them.
Yet lo - no villain can be found.
Act I: The Buck Stops Everywhere
The Tariffman blames China.
The pundits blame globalization.
Congress blames the executive.
The executive blames the Fed.
The Fed, already exhausted, quietly blames the supply chain, the consumer, and atmospheric pressure.
Thus does blame become vapor - visible at a distance, but impossible to grasp.
Act II: The Patriotism Laundromat
When policy fails, repurpose it. And so, rising grocery prices are now “a cost of freedom.”
Missed export quotas? “Strategic leverage.”
Lost jobs? “Resilience in motion.”
Every economic wound is rebranded as an act of national virtue.
A farmer’s bankruptcy becomes “Main Street sacrifice.”
A $1,200 washing machine becomes “buying American.”
And the empty shelf at the store? A noble scarcity, proof the system is working just hard enough.
Act III: Epilogue Without Resolution
The headlines move on.
The tariffs remain.
The prices never quite go back down.
The Tariff Man departs to claim another hill.
The economists are left muttering in the shadows, nursing their pie charts like old injuries.
And the people - those once promised winning without end - now watch the horizon with the tired eyes of those who’ve bought too many slogans and not enough breakfast.
Thus ends the tale of the Tariffman's Toll - a tale of pettiness and a song of woe.
A golden age promised but never realized. With the people, God bless them, holding an empty bag.
The numbers never added up.
The logic never held.
But the show - oh, the show - was spectacular.
And now, as the curtain falls, we offer one final accounting:
- Dignity: diminished
- Trust: fractured
- Eggs: unaffordable
- Accountability: ........still missing
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