The Tariffman's Toll
Chapter IV:
Eggs, Milk, and the Death of Modest
Breakfasts
In Which Tariffs Ascend the Table and Afflict the Morning Meal
Once upon a simpler era, breakfast was a modest affair:
A boiled egg, a slice of toast, a pat of butter not yet priced like petroleum.
A glass of milk—cool, unbothered by international incident.
No longer.
The breakfast table, once a sanctuary of sanity, has become
a casualty of economic misadventure.
Act I: The Egg Rebellion
The humble egg—once a symbol of thrift—is now a vessel of
sticker shock.
Farmers whisper of feed costs and foreign corn. Truckers grumble of diesel and
tariffs on imported parts.
And lo, the egg becomes a luxury, each dozen a lesson in unintended
consequence.
“They want caviar,” sneered one Fox News guest.
“Let them have omelets.”
But the omelets never came.
Act
II: The Milky Way Closes for Business
Milk, too, has suffered. Not just from tariffs, but from abandonment.
Act III: Austerity by Cereal
The working class has learned to make do:
- A bowl of cereal without the milk.
- A breakfast sandwich with no egg.
- A toast without butter, instead with the bitter spread of economic irony.
Schoolchildren ask why the juice is smaller.
Grandparents debate whether breakfast is now a "luxury
meal."
A man in Ohio reportedly sold a dozen eggs in exchange for a
used lawnmower and three AAA batteries.
Conclusion
The trade war did not end with a bang—but with a quiet grumble from the breakfast table.
Let it be known:
When
tariffs rise, toast falls.
And when leaders wage war on imports, it is the kettle that boils over.
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